...or you can smile because thorns have roses.
Cheesy? Yeah. Helping me keep a (partial) smile on my face? ...Yeah.
This past summer, I worked an internship that really pushed me in my growth as a person more than I expected. It went beyond the challenge of a job and doing things I was unfamiliar with to really making me question who I was, what I wanted to do with my life, and how I chose to interact with the world around me. Without going into too much detail about my daily processes at the internship, I can see that it was preparing me for a big life change.
Ultimately, I was inspired to start my One Good Thing a Day journal (lovingly called my Ogtad). It's basically just what its name says: a journal that I write in at the end of each day, capturing at least one good thing about the day or something that I'm grateful for. Some days are incredibly easy, and some days make me really think. This past week has been an extreme exercise in finding something good about each day, forcing me to recall the very core of the good things in my life: things as simple as a loving family, incredible friends, a place to live-- and an extra place to live when that first one falls through.
Upon starting my journal, I really understood that if I were to totally commit to this project, I had to change my outlook on life and how I handle situations and issues. A year ago, I would not be able to be sitting here calmly typing this out while reflecting on the past week, and even the entire past semester. I would be in tears somewhere, angry and unable to handle it on my own. This is not to say that I've been handling everything on my own lately-- I've been accepting help when I need it, and making sure I recognize my gratefulness for it. But just since this summer, my decision to face everything with a positive outlook and calm state of mind has been a true test of my willpower and determination to live a better life.
I think I'm doing okay.
Change isn't something that I take kindly to. Any little blip in my normal pattern of living tends to throw me for a serious loop, but it's not a healthy way to live, and I'm ready to change it. I've been ready to change it. While I've been seriously distressed lately, I'm proud of myself and maybe, just maybe, even able to be a little grateful for this test of my new "skills."
I've learned that I'm capable, have confidence where I thought I had none, and can control my thoughts and actions to reflect the way of life that I want to live. Of course, I have days that are better than others, and days when I'm only hanging onto this new philosophy by a thread. But I'm getting better.
Change is good, and I need to remember that. Perfect (maudlin) example: In our apartment complex, there is a circle walkway with a circular garden of roses in the middle. Roses bring me so much joy, and I often stop on my walk to class to appreciate this little garden full of beautiful roses. Walking to class today, though, stopped me short-- the roses were gone. It took me a moment to realize that instead of being in the middle, they had been moved and replanted around the outside of the entire circular walkway. I was immediately upset by the change-- how dare someone move "my" roses! But upon pausing a moment to be calm, I came to realize that now the roses have more space to grow and bloom. They can fuse into one enormous, circular rose bush, instead of being cramped and constantly pruned in the middle as they previously were. What I took away from this was, change helps growth.
I am changing, I am growing. I am roses.
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