It's after Christmas now, and I'm kind of running out of time for a year-end reflection at the end of the year.
I could look back on a year filled with so many intense world-events and reflect on humanity as a whole... but I'm lazy and narcissistic. So join me, if you will, on a selfish and self-entitled look back on my past year, in a post that has next to nothing to do with the stupid title. Seriously, though, all of the next bullet points are about me and my life and my problems and my feelings, so put on your stalker cap if you wanna join me on this ride.
- In December of last year, I graduated from UL with a cumulative 4.0 GPA and a big girl job offer waiting at my feet. Livin' the dream.
- Just a few short weeks later, in January, I confessed to the people nearest and dearest to me how unhappy I was at my job, and how what I had suspected for a couple of years was a reality: I had grown to dislike the field I graduated in and no longer wanted to work in advertising. This was an agonizing realization to accept about myself. There were a lot of things I had to come to peace with in order to make a decision and move forward. I dealt with it the way I deal with most problems: a complete rejection of sleep and a lot of crying to myself. I was miserable, confused, angsty, scared, and honestly, upset with myself for not following the beautiful, shiny path that I felt had been laid out for me.
- Very soon after coming to a decision about my job and how to move forward, Michael and I got engaged. Became betrothed. Sold my soul? But really, I was ecstatic, which just doesn't seem like a strong enough word to describe how truly happy and ready I was.
- And then I officially quit my job.
- I spent the next couple of months tackling the initial hurdles of wedding planning, as well as starting a job search, and then deciding to end that job search. I also felt like I could actually feel everyone's image of me crumbling and deteriorating before their eyes. But I'm excellent at projecting. I just felt like I failed so many people, whether that was true or not, which is most likely my own sense of failure in and of myself. People don't just graduate from college with their dream job and then leave it all behind for... nothing. Or what wasn't nothing, but sure felt like it.
- I was also hard at work writing and editing the first draft of my "novel." This is where the "nothing" comes into play. How do you talk about doing something you love when you have so little to show for it? "Hi, I'm Erica. I quit my job to write a book that I'm just sure is going to be published. No other aspiring author has ever had these hopes and dreams like mine before, so I just know I'm going to be the one who makes it!" Right? Right...?
- People assumed I was "taking the year off" or "resting" or otherwise just being lazy. In reality, I was working from home at two different part-time jobs, attempting to write that novel, and planning a wedding. But it still felt like my life was on hold. I was also on Accutane, a medication for acne with the most insane side effects, which made the crazy cogs in my head turn even faster than usual. It was a long, tough journey that finally ended in October.
- Between April and August, Michael and I house hunted so intensely, it was like we were actually trying to hunt something (except neither of us brought any guns or spears to open houses... though maybe we should have). Finally, finally, FINALLY, by August, we (and by we, I mean Michael) purchased our new-to-us house.
- We spent the next several months renovating and buying a couple of pieces of furniture, but it wasn't until December that the house was in good enough shape for Michael to finally move in. The house was in perfectly livable condition and was truly move-in ready when we bought it, but our renovations to really make it *our* house took a lot longer than we expected.
- Somewhere in that time, I turned 23, I think. I'm not sure of my own age anymore.
- And there was still a wedding being planned! And lots of ridiculous wedding-related issues to deal with to make sure everything was working out for everyone involved.
Towards the end of the year, I was so busy, I realized I hadn't touched my novel in a couple of months. Then the NaNoWriMo reminders and emails started their attack, and I felt so unconnected from the 2012 Erica. However, this wasn't necessarily a bad thing. 2013 Erica had (has) a lot more on her plate. Writing remains just as important, but there are other things in the mix now.
For all the negative bullet points, 2013 was actually great. Every year is actually great. We get 365 days full of greatness and sadness that all total up to a year, and as easy as it is to remember the tough parts (see aforementioned bullet points), there are still so many incredible things. The thing is that the tiny good parts are so many and so small that they're more difficult to remember than the bigger, more noticeable damaging parts of the year. But just the knowledge that there were so many good but small parts to the year, so many that I can't remember them all, assures me that 2013 was, in fact, a great year.
Thanks for reading all about my life, you stalker. Now, go make some more little, fantastic moments to really wrap up* your year in style.
*I actually really struggle with the concept of the end of the year as being a "fresh start" because I strongly believe fresh starts can begin whenever and don't have to wait for the end of the year. I do not like getting all reflect-y because the planet doesn't know that it's made a full revolution around the sun; there is no stop/start line in space to mark a year; it's all made up by us and is time even linear or is it really cyclical I DON'T KNOW OKAY there's just a lot of pressure to get reflect-y on this particular day and lo this post shows how I have succumbed.
