Qu'est-ce qui c'est, là, two posts in such a short amount of time? Honestly, if I had the time, energy, and mental capacity, I would update every day, perhaps multiple times a day, but I rarely have all three of those things at once, and would also like to be capable of showing some sort of restraint once in a while.
Regardless, today's blog title comes from something I saw on my godmother's coffee mug. For Christmas, I got her this lovely white coffee mug that came with a pack of dish-washer durable, changeable, ransom-note looking sticky letters. The concept behind the mug is to spell out different messages for yourself on your mug, using the letters which can be washed and saved and replaced as often as you like. Suggestions on the mug's box were silly things like COFFEE NOW or AM I AWAKE? and the like. I added a couple of Bible verses and inspirational quotes, because that's more my nannie's style.
When I was at her house today, I noticed it drying by the sink and asked if I could look at it. She had used the letters to spell out "TRUST" on one side, and "I AM CHANGE" on the other. Interestingly (ironically?), she commented that it's her favorite mug, and she feels no need to change the message to anything else. No need to change the message stating that she is change.
I suppose that, in its stability, it reminds her what she is capable of in terms of change, but only by the fact that it is one thing that will not do so. Perhaps I'm reading too much into it. I'm typing this all with a half-smile on my face, aware of how silly and presumptuous I probably sound. My nannie is an immense source of inspiration to me and a woman whom I truly respect, admire, and regard with a sense of incredulous awe. Her own journey casts a thought-provoking light on mine, and if she is change, than I can aspire to that too. I am change, I am change, I am change.
I am change.
If that statement stays solidly, rigidly, unflinchingly unchanging enough in my mind, then perhaps it will become true in time. I am change.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Greeting 2012 a little late...
Oops! Hello there, new year. I meant to greet you in an official post about 19 days ago... so sorry!
I wanted to write about resolutions, and why I don't do resolutions, and goals, and why I prefer goals, and my little nitpicky issues with goals/resolutions/bettering yourself, but honestly, I'm still getting used to the idea that I write in a blog that not very many people read, and I'm still trying to figure out the fine line between writing everything on my mind, and being somewhat aware of what people actually want to read.
That was a long sentence; I apologize.
Anyway, it's now 2012, and I'm looking at 11 more months of school before I graduate from college. Huzzah! After 2012, I can finally open that long-sought after door that leads to the next chapter of my life-- the chapter I've been waiting for so long for, the chapter I've been dreaming about for years.
It makes it very difficult to live in the moment and focus on the blessings and gifts that I have in front of me right now.
Perhaps this is a little premature, but I've found college to be a journey so much bigger and better than I ever expected. I think most thoughts on this subject occur right before one is about to graduate and leave the experience behind, and, like I said, I'm looking at 11 more months of it, but this is born more of a partial need to convince myself that I can make it through another 11 months and stay smiling. When I entered college as a terrified freshman, my singular thought was to just get through it. I won't go into the details of what I had on my mind, but let's leave it at that I had no desire to even try to make friends. I simply didn't want to.
I've had my ups and downs with the whole college ordeal, and I was pleasantly surprised when, near the end of last semester, I realized that I really enjoyed the ups. As devastating as some of the things that have happened, I came to understand what my mother meant when she told me that these were supposed to be the best four years of my life (and how happy I was to have whittled it down to three and a half).
Of course I had friends in high school, but that was to be expected. I was with the same people for five straight years, taking the same classes, seeing the same faces 5 days of week, sometimes 6. I did not expect to find the same level of support and love from people in college-- especially from guys. I've been astounded by the people that have come into my life in the past two and a half years, amazed by the bonds that have been formed and friendships that have been founded.
It's of my friends that I make myself think when I find myself trying to push some sort of fast-forward button on my college journey. The idea of leaving the girls at my high school when we graduated was utterly depressing even from the first day of my senior year, and I didn't expect to fear that feeling again during my senior year of college. (ULink says I'm a senior, so it must be so!)
I'm so appreciative of the friends that have, knowingly or not, shown me that there is more to life and more to me than what I thought. I don't want to leave them when I graduate in December. At times, it seems like that's so far away, and then I think of my friends, and realize I don't have much time left. Relativity, and all that. 2012, you're going to be insane, I know. Insanely trying, insanely stressful, insanely exhilarating, insanely wonderful. My beloved TEC retreats have taught me to participate, not anticipate. So here I am, doing my best to live in the moment, and greeting not 2012 as a whole, but as a series of 366 incredible new days to live out to their fullest.
I wanted to write about resolutions, and why I don't do resolutions, and goals, and why I prefer goals, and my little nitpicky issues with goals/resolutions/bettering yourself, but honestly, I'm still getting used to the idea that I write in a blog that not very many people read, and I'm still trying to figure out the fine line between writing everything on my mind, and being somewhat aware of what people actually want to read.
That was a long sentence; I apologize.
Anyway, it's now 2012, and I'm looking at 11 more months of school before I graduate from college. Huzzah! After 2012, I can finally open that long-sought after door that leads to the next chapter of my life-- the chapter I've been waiting for so long for, the chapter I've been dreaming about for years.
It makes it very difficult to live in the moment and focus on the blessings and gifts that I have in front of me right now.
Perhaps this is a little premature, but I've found college to be a journey so much bigger and better than I ever expected. I think most thoughts on this subject occur right before one is about to graduate and leave the experience behind, and, like I said, I'm looking at 11 more months of it, but this is born more of a partial need to convince myself that I can make it through another 11 months and stay smiling. When I entered college as a terrified freshman, my singular thought was to just get through it. I won't go into the details of what I had on my mind, but let's leave it at that I had no desire to even try to make friends. I simply didn't want to.
I've had my ups and downs with the whole college ordeal, and I was pleasantly surprised when, near the end of last semester, I realized that I really enjoyed the ups. As devastating as some of the things that have happened, I came to understand what my mother meant when she told me that these were supposed to be the best four years of my life (and how happy I was to have whittled it down to three and a half).
Of course I had friends in high school, but that was to be expected. I was with the same people for five straight years, taking the same classes, seeing the same faces 5 days of week, sometimes 6. I did not expect to find the same level of support and love from people in college-- especially from guys. I've been astounded by the people that have come into my life in the past two and a half years, amazed by the bonds that have been formed and friendships that have been founded.
It's of my friends that I make myself think when I find myself trying to push some sort of fast-forward button on my college journey. The idea of leaving the girls at my high school when we graduated was utterly depressing even from the first day of my senior year, and I didn't expect to fear that feeling again during my senior year of college. (ULink says I'm a senior, so it must be so!)
I'm so appreciative of the friends that have, knowingly or not, shown me that there is more to life and more to me than what I thought. I don't want to leave them when I graduate in December. At times, it seems like that's so far away, and then I think of my friends, and realize I don't have much time left. Relativity, and all that. 2012, you're going to be insane, I know. Insanely trying, insanely stressful, insanely exhilarating, insanely wonderful. My beloved TEC retreats have taught me to participate, not anticipate. So here I am, doing my best to live in the moment, and greeting not 2012 as a whole, but as a series of 366 incredible new days to live out to their fullest.
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