"Star trails" photographed from the Australian outback.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Journal Excerpt, August 13, 2012
My eyes are burning, and I doubt I can take this much longer. I cannot wait for my LIFE to start taking shape. If I could just have some sense of direction! The stars travel in their fixed paths every night without weariness. I travel such an erratic path. To know the stolidness of the stars! To know my destiny, day in and day out, and to be of such a nature as to have no complaint about it. But, of course, the stars don't actually move at all-- they are steady, fixed points, and I imagine that I would dislike that very much. So though I fear change, I am capable of imagining my displeasure at never moving, never changing, never growing-- that life would be even more intolerable than I find the act of adaptation to be. I am content to admire the stars, but to envy them no longer.
"Star trails" photographed from the Australian outback.
"Star trails" photographed from the Australian outback.
Friday, August 3, 2012
Favorite OGTAD Entries
As promised! I only meant to post a few, but I got carried away. Kudos if you make it through all of them. Many are too personal to be shared in a blog, but these are just some that are especially close to my heart.
This is my journal after a year of good things. Sorry it's sideways! Kind of beat up... as it should be.
Day #5: August 5, 2011
Today was my last day of work. I SURVIVED. I didn't quit or play hooky or completely give up. I stuck it out, learned some things, and left feeling like I conquered something. They bought me a little cake and a cat balloon and told me how much they appreciated my work-- whatever I did, I did it.
Day #9: August 9, 2011
I went to drop off donation money for Christine Johnson's St. Baldrick's event- she is going to shave her head for cancer. When I got there, she asked me to come inside and showed me a framed drawing hanging on the wall. It was the pen and ink streetcar drawing that I did with Mr. Cummisky in tenth grade. I was so full of emotion that I could barely speak. I never knew where the drawing had gone after having been auctioned off. Christine introduced me to her parents, who seemed happy to meet "the girl who had done the drawing." I was just blown away by having the opportunity to see my art hanging up in someone else's house. I'm so grateful Christine took the time to show me it today.
Day #14: August 14, 2011
I decided to take my Mac to the Apple store because the battery was not holding a charge, and I wanted to get it fixed before schools tarted. The guy that looked at my computer was very nice, patient, and explanatory. The battery was supposed to cost $99, but because something was not in stock in the back, he gave me the new battery FOR FREE! He could have made me come back another day and pay, but he gave me a brand new battery free of charge (pun). I feel so blessed and grateful! Very thankful he was "assigned" to me.
Day #18: August 18, 2011
(excerpt- 4 year anniversary with Michael) I'm so blessed to be in a strong and lasting relationship with someone who turned out to be my best friend and is truly my other half. Sometimes I can't believe how much work it is, and sometimes I can't believe how easy and effortless it is. I am in LOVE with Michael Tran and his love and presence in my life is the best example of a "Good Thing" that I can think of.
Day #61: September 30, 2011
I'm home from Lafayette today! Because Michael is moving, I came in to help him pack, and thus discovered my "good thing": He has kept EVERY SINGLE note/letter/drawing I've ever given him. Every last scrap of paper, card, envelope, Post-It, the whole shebang. It floored me-- it was actually quite sweet. I couldn't believe (or remember) half the stuff we found. WOW.
Day #74: October 13, 2011
Today... was not a happy day. But I am learning to focus on the good things. Jessica, Shelsey, Richard and I got ice cream from Sidelines today after lunch and hung out by the swamp like we used to do when we were freshmen. (...) I am learning, and it's hard, but I hope this journal helps. Each day is a gift to be appreciated.
Day #80: October 19, 2011
This evening was incredible. Went to the SYTYCD season 8 tour- wow. The dances were breathtaking. I feel absolutely privileged to have seen them live. (...) And I met Melanie Moore! She was exactly like I imagined her to be, very human and real. I'm so happy I was able to go.
Day #90: October 29, 2011
Good day!! Sorely needed. Went to BR to meet up with Michael, Danny, Sarah, and Miles. Walked around the mall for about 3 hours with them; got my "Miles fix" (haven't seen him in so long!). Then Michael and I went caching, got our 300th cache. It was a gorgeous day. At Cracker Barrel for dinner- we paid for someone else's meal. It was genuine joy. I was so glad to have been away from Lafayette, to do NO work, to have fun, and to put another good deed out in the world.
Day #107: November 15, 2011
Today, I am thankful that my only stress is school-related. I am lucky and blessed to even be able to afford going to school and living in a nice apartment. I have my health, a family that loves me, the best boyfriend in the world, and friends that make me laugh. I may be stressed to the point of tears about school and projects, but that which brings me such sadness further emphasizes that which brings me joy.
Day #122: November 30, 2011
Today, I'm still grateful for friends who are generous and caring, who make me laugh through my pain. I am grateful to have nearby family and far away family who loves me. I am grateful to have a bed and an apartment to even be infested with bedbugs. And I'm grateful for my loving God who is here and with me even when I feel most alone.
Day #156: January 3, 2012
We made it to New York... and MET DARREN CRISS! We waited outside for 4.5 hours in 20 degree temperature. Darren was so sweet- he yelled for quiet and thanked everyone and then jumped around in excitement. I got to tell him congratulations. He also told Alyssa he was giving her a mental hug, and she got a great picture with him. We both got autographs. I am sooo happy for Alyssa. Very cold (and still shivering!) but quite an experience.
Day #249: April 5, 2012
There's a poetry blog on tumblr called "leaveyouapen" that I absolutely love. The guy is such a beautiful writer. He made a list of blogs that he recommended for people, and my blog was on it!!! I could barely believe it. I felt so honored to have ben noticed and promoted by my idol. I also wound up with several new followers because of it. I'm a little stunned.
Day #257: April 13, 2012
(excerpt... ;) ) NSAC IS FINALLY OVER!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so unbelievably exhausted and happy. After about 3 hours of sleep, we gave our presentation. It's over. I'm so proud of us.
Day #276: May 2, 2012
I woke up to discover that my favorite tumblr poet, leaveyouapen, reblogged my poem "Je te vois" last night. He said it was brilliant, beautifully written, and a "breath-taking late night read." Over the course of the day, people kept liking and reblogging it as well as my other poems. I think it's up to 43 notes now. I'm absolutely overwhelmed with joy and pride. I'm so happy to have been recognized. Getting reblogged by him was always a secret, unacknowledged goal of mine. :)
Day #294: May 20, 2012
Not sure what time it is-- we're somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean right now! So far we have had very smooth flights. We got a travel blessing from Fr. Jimmy yesterday. I'm grateful that everything is going well so far and am confident that God will deliver us safely. This will have to be a short entry- not much to say about today except lots of flying. Thankful the opportunity.
Day #298: May 24, 2012
We drove the Ring of Kerry today- saw sights more beautiful than I can comprehend. My camera can't capture everything my eyes saw. We also made it to Blarney and kissed the Blarney Stone- I'm so proud of myself for doing that. It was scary climbing up the spiral staircase and having to lean backwards to kiss it, but I'm glad I didn't let my fear stop me. Still amazed at this beautiful country and all that it has to offer.
Day #312: June 8, 2012
Michael and I went to visit Maw Maw today. We brought her Popeye's and ate dinner with her. She really enjoyed it; she was very chatty today (...) She says the first thing she does when she wakes up in the morning is to recite MY social security number! She's sharp. I love my Maw Maw!
Day #315: June 11, 2012
Angela Giffin got engaged!!! I'm so very excited and happy for it. I'm also quite honored that she stopped by to tell me in person. Her ring is absolutely gorgeous. I screamed quite a bit when she told/showed me, as did my mother when she heard the commotion. I'm so happy her moment has come. She truly deserves this happiness. I enjoyed hearing the story and seeing the pictures- just perfect. Today's good thing is dedicated to our friendship and her future!
Day #318: June 14, 2012
Had dinner with Michael, Nick, and their parents. I'm so stuffed with pho and eggrolls now. It's evenings like this that make me realize how grateful I am for my two families, and how blessed I am to be loved by both my parents and his. I'm so fortunate.
Day #321: June 17, 2012
Father's Day! Dad made ribs for us to enjoy at lunch. (...) I am SO grateful for my dad, who is truly an amazing father. I only hope that I show this appreciation as much as I feel it. I'm so blessed to have my dad and to have experienced life with him at my side. I treasure our relationship so much.
Day #335: July 1, 2012
My poem from the other day- "A Platonic Tale of Two Friends"- has gotten over 100 notes on tumblr. Triple digits. None of my original content posts have ever achieved anything like this before. It's outrageous. I hope that I can do something with this in the future. It has a featured tag and everything. I'm just feeling overwhelmed and grateful, but mostly humbled. I'm so glad I put myself out there. This is what makes me happy. This is what I feel I am meant to do.
Day #341: July 7, 2012
(excerpt) St. Jerome celebrated Fr. Jimmy's 50th birthday and 20th anniversary of his ordination today. I really enjoyed the event. I love the people of our parish. They have watched me grow up and have rooted for me in every aspect of my life, and have cheered for me and Michael the whole time. It's an honor to be part of this parish family.
Day #345: July 11, 2012
(excerpt) While leaving work, I gave a homeless man $5. He said the usual- "thank you, God bless, drive safe"- and then he said, "I love you!" I looked right back at him and said, "Well, I love you too!" And I meant it, and he knew it. The look on his face said it all.
Day #355: July 21, 2012
Spent the day with the Laurents. Saw 3rd Batman movie- awesome, of course. But the best part was, as always, the joy of seeing Miles. He walks freely now, knows so many words, and is so chattery and giggly. What an absolute godsend. So full of energy and life. I especially love when we all sit on his bedroom floor and Michael and I get to share the intimate moments before bedtime, making sure that love is the last thing he hears before he falls asleep.
The inside cover of my journal. I kept my promise and am so very proud of myself and so aware of my blessings. I've said it before, but it's worth saying again-- what a year.
This is my journal after a year of good things. Sorry it's sideways! Kind of beat up... as it should be.
Day #5: August 5, 2011
Today was my last day of work. I SURVIVED. I didn't quit or play hooky or completely give up. I stuck it out, learned some things, and left feeling like I conquered something. They bought me a little cake and a cat balloon and told me how much they appreciated my work-- whatever I did, I did it.
Day #9: August 9, 2011
I went to drop off donation money for Christine Johnson's St. Baldrick's event- she is going to shave her head for cancer. When I got there, she asked me to come inside and showed me a framed drawing hanging on the wall. It was the pen and ink streetcar drawing that I did with Mr. Cummisky in tenth grade. I was so full of emotion that I could barely speak. I never knew where the drawing had gone after having been auctioned off. Christine introduced me to her parents, who seemed happy to meet "the girl who had done the drawing." I was just blown away by having the opportunity to see my art hanging up in someone else's house. I'm so grateful Christine took the time to show me it today.
Day #14: August 14, 2011
I decided to take my Mac to the Apple store because the battery was not holding a charge, and I wanted to get it fixed before schools tarted. The guy that looked at my computer was very nice, patient, and explanatory. The battery was supposed to cost $99, but because something was not in stock in the back, he gave me the new battery FOR FREE! He could have made me come back another day and pay, but he gave me a brand new battery free of charge (pun). I feel so blessed and grateful! Very thankful he was "assigned" to me.
Day #18: August 18, 2011
(excerpt- 4 year anniversary with Michael) I'm so blessed to be in a strong and lasting relationship with someone who turned out to be my best friend and is truly my other half. Sometimes I can't believe how much work it is, and sometimes I can't believe how easy and effortless it is. I am in LOVE with Michael Tran and his love and presence in my life is the best example of a "Good Thing" that I can think of.
Day #61: September 30, 2011
I'm home from Lafayette today! Because Michael is moving, I came in to help him pack, and thus discovered my "good thing": He has kept EVERY SINGLE note/letter/drawing I've ever given him. Every last scrap of paper, card, envelope, Post-It, the whole shebang. It floored me-- it was actually quite sweet. I couldn't believe (or remember) half the stuff we found. WOW.
Day #74: October 13, 2011
Today... was not a happy day. But I am learning to focus on the good things. Jessica, Shelsey, Richard and I got ice cream from Sidelines today after lunch and hung out by the swamp like we used to do when we were freshmen. (...) I am learning, and it's hard, but I hope this journal helps. Each day is a gift to be appreciated.
Day #80: October 19, 2011
This evening was incredible. Went to the SYTYCD season 8 tour- wow. The dances were breathtaking. I feel absolutely privileged to have seen them live. (...) And I met Melanie Moore! She was exactly like I imagined her to be, very human and real. I'm so happy I was able to go.
Day #90: October 29, 2011
Good day!! Sorely needed. Went to BR to meet up with Michael, Danny, Sarah, and Miles. Walked around the mall for about 3 hours with them; got my "Miles fix" (haven't seen him in so long!). Then Michael and I went caching, got our 300th cache. It was a gorgeous day. At Cracker Barrel for dinner- we paid for someone else's meal. It was genuine joy. I was so glad to have been away from Lafayette, to do NO work, to have fun, and to put another good deed out in the world.
Day #107: November 15, 2011
Today, I am thankful that my only stress is school-related. I am lucky and blessed to even be able to afford going to school and living in a nice apartment. I have my health, a family that loves me, the best boyfriend in the world, and friends that make me laugh. I may be stressed to the point of tears about school and projects, but that which brings me such sadness further emphasizes that which brings me joy.
Day #122: November 30, 2011
Today, I'm still grateful for friends who are generous and caring, who make me laugh through my pain. I am grateful to have nearby family and far away family who loves me. I am grateful to have a bed and an apartment to even be infested with bedbugs. And I'm grateful for my loving God who is here and with me even when I feel most alone.
Day #156: January 3, 2012
We made it to New York... and MET DARREN CRISS! We waited outside for 4.5 hours in 20 degree temperature. Darren was so sweet- he yelled for quiet and thanked everyone and then jumped around in excitement. I got to tell him congratulations. He also told Alyssa he was giving her a mental hug, and she got a great picture with him. We both got autographs. I am sooo happy for Alyssa. Very cold (and still shivering!) but quite an experience.
Day #249: April 5, 2012
There's a poetry blog on tumblr called "leaveyouapen" that I absolutely love. The guy is such a beautiful writer. He made a list of blogs that he recommended for people, and my blog was on it!!! I could barely believe it. I felt so honored to have ben noticed and promoted by my idol. I also wound up with several new followers because of it. I'm a little stunned.
Day #257: April 13, 2012
(excerpt... ;) ) NSAC IS FINALLY OVER!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so unbelievably exhausted and happy. After about 3 hours of sleep, we gave our presentation. It's over. I'm so proud of us.
Day #276: May 2, 2012
I woke up to discover that my favorite tumblr poet, leaveyouapen, reblogged my poem "Je te vois" last night. He said it was brilliant, beautifully written, and a "breath-taking late night read." Over the course of the day, people kept liking and reblogging it as well as my other poems. I think it's up to 43 notes now. I'm absolutely overwhelmed with joy and pride. I'm so happy to have been recognized. Getting reblogged by him was always a secret, unacknowledged goal of mine. :)
Day #294: May 20, 2012
Not sure what time it is-- we're somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean right now! So far we have had very smooth flights. We got a travel blessing from Fr. Jimmy yesterday. I'm grateful that everything is going well so far and am confident that God will deliver us safely. This will have to be a short entry- not much to say about today except lots of flying. Thankful the opportunity.
Day #298: May 24, 2012
We drove the Ring of Kerry today- saw sights more beautiful than I can comprehend. My camera can't capture everything my eyes saw. We also made it to Blarney and kissed the Blarney Stone- I'm so proud of myself for doing that. It was scary climbing up the spiral staircase and having to lean backwards to kiss it, but I'm glad I didn't let my fear stop me. Still amazed at this beautiful country and all that it has to offer.
Day #312: June 8, 2012
Michael and I went to visit Maw Maw today. We brought her Popeye's and ate dinner with her. She really enjoyed it; she was very chatty today (...) She says the first thing she does when she wakes up in the morning is to recite MY social security number! She's sharp. I love my Maw Maw!
Day #315: June 11, 2012
Angela Giffin got engaged!!! I'm so very excited and happy for it. I'm also quite honored that she stopped by to tell me in person. Her ring is absolutely gorgeous. I screamed quite a bit when she told/showed me, as did my mother when she heard the commotion. I'm so happy her moment has come. She truly deserves this happiness. I enjoyed hearing the story and seeing the pictures- just perfect. Today's good thing is dedicated to our friendship and her future!
Day #318: June 14, 2012
Had dinner with Michael, Nick, and their parents. I'm so stuffed with pho and eggrolls now. It's evenings like this that make me realize how grateful I am for my two families, and how blessed I am to be loved by both my parents and his. I'm so fortunate.
Day #321: June 17, 2012
Father's Day! Dad made ribs for us to enjoy at lunch. (...) I am SO grateful for my dad, who is truly an amazing father. I only hope that I show this appreciation as much as I feel it. I'm so blessed to have my dad and to have experienced life with him at my side. I treasure our relationship so much.
Day #335: July 1, 2012
My poem from the other day- "A Platonic Tale of Two Friends"- has gotten over 100 notes on tumblr. Triple digits. None of my original content posts have ever achieved anything like this before. It's outrageous. I hope that I can do something with this in the future. It has a featured tag and everything. I'm just feeling overwhelmed and grateful, but mostly humbled. I'm so glad I put myself out there. This is what makes me happy. This is what I feel I am meant to do.
Day #341: July 7, 2012
(excerpt) St. Jerome celebrated Fr. Jimmy's 50th birthday and 20th anniversary of his ordination today. I really enjoyed the event. I love the people of our parish. They have watched me grow up and have rooted for me in every aspect of my life, and have cheered for me and Michael the whole time. It's an honor to be part of this parish family.
Day #345: July 11, 2012
(excerpt) While leaving work, I gave a homeless man $5. He said the usual- "thank you, God bless, drive safe"- and then he said, "I love you!" I looked right back at him and said, "Well, I love you too!" And I meant it, and he knew it. The look on his face said it all.
Day #355: July 21, 2012
Spent the day with the Laurents. Saw 3rd Batman movie- awesome, of course. But the best part was, as always, the joy of seeing Miles. He walks freely now, knows so many words, and is so chattery and giggly. What an absolute godsend. So full of energy and life. I especially love when we all sit on his bedroom floor and Michael and I get to share the intimate moments before bedtime, making sure that love is the last thing he hears before he falls asleep.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
OGTAD- 366 Days Later...
Wow. Just... wow. On August 1, 2011, I began a journey in the hopes that I could teach myself a lesson. Wow. I'm sitting here trying to think of the words to sum up all that I've learned. I can't believe it's been a whole year, and at the same time, I can't believe it's been only a year.
Last summer, I was not in a very good place mentally. I was in a pretty dark place, mentally, and struggling to escape and see any value to anything I did. To get myself through, I started making myself list something good about my day each night before I fell asleep, but it wasn't enough. I could hardly sleep for the anxiety and anguish that I was experiencing. I finally decided that my little mental lists weren't enough. I had to commit to the idea that not only did I have numerous things to be happy about, but that the world itself had numerous good things to offer. I approached my beautiful friend Jessica and asked if she would embark on this journey with me of discovering, writing, and thus capturing one good thing about each day for an entire year.
We picked out our journals within the week. I'll post a picture with my next entry of what the back cover wound up looking like after a year of being thrown around and dragged to different states, and even to a different country. ;)
First and foremost, I'm pretty darn proud of myself. I was struggling and in a bad place, and I made the effort to live myself out. I took a positive action to change myself and my views, and for that, I find a sense of accomplishment. And I only missed one day out of the whole year (which I promptly wrote the next morning upon discovering my mistake)!
My ultimate goal was to change my outlook on life pretty permanently, through repetition-- forming a habit of noticing the good things surrounding me. I couldn't take journaling anymore, as I often focused on the bad and negative things, lamenting over their influence on me. I had to relegate myself to only good things. And it worked. During the day, I'd latch onto all sorts of good things, wondering if they were going to make my OGTAD journal that night. Rereading old entries, I knew there were some days that bad things really did happen, but all I have left are the positive memories I wrote. I started approaching my days differently, especially if I knew they were going to be tough or stressful: I had to come away with something good for my journal, even if I had to create something good just to have an entry.
It was, in a word, amazing. I was no longer a pawn being moved by the day. I had to play an active part in each and every day, which I suspect is how I should have been living my life since it began. But I'm glad I caught myself sooner rather than later.
So, I'm not entirely sure where I'll go from here. Part of me wants to test myself and see if I can keep this frame of mind without having to resort to a journal every night. Have I truly developed a skill and a permanent mindset of seeing the good in my days? Of being able to identify what I'm thankful for at the end of each day, without letting the anxiety take over shortly thereafter? I'm also scared that maybe the answer is no-- and I don't want to slip back to the bad place again.
My journal still has a few blank pages left, so I figure I'll keep writing until those are all used up. Buy myself some more time to make my decision. I don't know yet. What I do know is that this past year has been an absolutely incredible one, and I'm so grateful to have a book of awesome memories to keep. I have learned so much about my life, and about life in general.
Tomorrow or Friday, I think I'll share some of my favorite "good thing" entries. Stay tuned! :)
Last summer, I was not in a very good place mentally. I was in a pretty dark place, mentally, and struggling to escape and see any value to anything I did. To get myself through, I started making myself list something good about my day each night before I fell asleep, but it wasn't enough. I could hardly sleep for the anxiety and anguish that I was experiencing. I finally decided that my little mental lists weren't enough. I had to commit to the idea that not only did I have numerous things to be happy about, but that the world itself had numerous good things to offer. I approached my beautiful friend Jessica and asked if she would embark on this journey with me of discovering, writing, and thus capturing one good thing about each day for an entire year.
We picked out our journals within the week. I'll post a picture with my next entry of what the back cover wound up looking like after a year of being thrown around and dragged to different states, and even to a different country. ;)
First and foremost, I'm pretty darn proud of myself. I was struggling and in a bad place, and I made the effort to live myself out. I took a positive action to change myself and my views, and for that, I find a sense of accomplishment. And I only missed one day out of the whole year (which I promptly wrote the next morning upon discovering my mistake)!
My ultimate goal was to change my outlook on life pretty permanently, through repetition-- forming a habit of noticing the good things surrounding me. I couldn't take journaling anymore, as I often focused on the bad and negative things, lamenting over their influence on me. I had to relegate myself to only good things. And it worked. During the day, I'd latch onto all sorts of good things, wondering if they were going to make my OGTAD journal that night. Rereading old entries, I knew there were some days that bad things really did happen, but all I have left are the positive memories I wrote. I started approaching my days differently, especially if I knew they were going to be tough or stressful: I had to come away with something good for my journal, even if I had to create something good just to have an entry.
It was, in a word, amazing. I was no longer a pawn being moved by the day. I had to play an active part in each and every day, which I suspect is how I should have been living my life since it began. But I'm glad I caught myself sooner rather than later.
So, I'm not entirely sure where I'll go from here. Part of me wants to test myself and see if I can keep this frame of mind without having to resort to a journal every night. Have I truly developed a skill and a permanent mindset of seeing the good in my days? Of being able to identify what I'm thankful for at the end of each day, without letting the anxiety take over shortly thereafter? I'm also scared that maybe the answer is no-- and I don't want to slip back to the bad place again.
My journal still has a few blank pages left, so I figure I'll keep writing until those are all used up. Buy myself some more time to make my decision. I don't know yet. What I do know is that this past year has been an absolutely incredible one, and I'm so grateful to have a book of awesome memories to keep. I have learned so much about my life, and about life in general.
Tomorrow or Friday, I think I'll share some of my favorite "good thing" entries. Stay tuned! :)
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Spots of Happiness
It's a sleepy sort of Thursday at work for me. What happens is, I get work to do in bursts and when it rains, it pours-- so I'm extremely busy for a couple of days. Then I turn it in to my boss, who checks it and revises it and gives it back to me so I can make the actual revisions and do whatever the next steps are. But in that limbo time when my boss has my work and I'm just waiting, there's nothing for me to do.
And, just like any good New Orleans afternoon should feature, the clouds roll in and build up and get dark, and in our mostly natural-light office, we find ourselves staring out the windows and thinking of naps (or at least, I do).
Normally I read whatever book I've brought, or mess around on Facebook or Tumblr, but because of how dark it's getting outside, I thought I'd share a little spot of happiness from yesterday that I'm honored to have been a part of.
I was on phone duty, and I got a call from a man who was explaining how the company he was with had just moved here to New Orleans after 30 years in Atlanta. He was calling other local agencies to see if they were interested in forming partnerships or something along those lines.
"First of all," I said, "Welcome to New Orleans! Secondly, let me go see if our vice president is available-- she'll be able to help you more with this than I will."
"Wow," he said, just as I went to put him on hold. I stayed on the phone another moment. "You're the first person who has welcomed us to the city!"
I chatted with him for a bit about how New Orleans really is a friendly city-- all the stuff I love about here-- and then transferred him.
Of course, it was the smallest of small moments, but he sounded genuinely happy. I imagine he had been calling lots of places over the course of the day, and I imagine he'd been getting either very dry transfers or quick, "Sorry, we're not interested", followed by a goodbye. I'm only imagining, though. But I'm just glad that I was able to add a small spot of happiness to this man's day.
For as long as I can remember, it's been my goal to provide these spots of happiness to others. I'm not talking about one random act of kindness a day-- I'm talking about constant acts of joy and kindness so that they're not random. When it's a way of life, it's not relegated to just a chance occurrence. When you constantly provide these spots of happiness, I like to think that all the spots come together and make a much bigger phenomenon of Goodness that help to dab out some of the darkness of the world.
Too philosophical and maybe even a bit maudlin? Maybe. Sorry. I'm just thinking of how I can increase the spots that I attempt to add. I hope you find yourself both giving and experiencing spots of your own, and of others. I hope that I can provide you with some spots of happiness. I hope this blog post makes you smile, and I hope that you, my friend, are having a wonderful day.
And, just like any good New Orleans afternoon should feature, the clouds roll in and build up and get dark, and in our mostly natural-light office, we find ourselves staring out the windows and thinking of naps (or at least, I do).
Normally I read whatever book I've brought, or mess around on Facebook or Tumblr, but because of how dark it's getting outside, I thought I'd share a little spot of happiness from yesterday that I'm honored to have been a part of.
I was on phone duty, and I got a call from a man who was explaining how the company he was with had just moved here to New Orleans after 30 years in Atlanta. He was calling other local agencies to see if they were interested in forming partnerships or something along those lines.
"First of all," I said, "Welcome to New Orleans! Secondly, let me go see if our vice president is available-- she'll be able to help you more with this than I will."
"Wow," he said, just as I went to put him on hold. I stayed on the phone another moment. "You're the first person who has welcomed us to the city!"
I chatted with him for a bit about how New Orleans really is a friendly city-- all the stuff I love about here-- and then transferred him.
Of course, it was the smallest of small moments, but he sounded genuinely happy. I imagine he had been calling lots of places over the course of the day, and I imagine he'd been getting either very dry transfers or quick, "Sorry, we're not interested", followed by a goodbye. I'm only imagining, though. But I'm just glad that I was able to add a small spot of happiness to this man's day.
For as long as I can remember, it's been my goal to provide these spots of happiness to others. I'm not talking about one random act of kindness a day-- I'm talking about constant acts of joy and kindness so that they're not random. When it's a way of life, it's not relegated to just a chance occurrence. When you constantly provide these spots of happiness, I like to think that all the spots come together and make a much bigger phenomenon of Goodness that help to dab out some of the darkness of the world.
Too philosophical and maybe even a bit maudlin? Maybe. Sorry. I'm just thinking of how I can increase the spots that I attempt to add. I hope you find yourself both giving and experiencing spots of your own, and of others. I hope that I can provide you with some spots of happiness. I hope this blog post makes you smile, and I hope that you, my friend, are having a wonderful day.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
BBC Book List
Well, if you haven't seen this list floating around at some point in your life, take a look! I've truly been enjoying reading for leisure again this summer, so I dug out this list that I started crossing things off of in my senior year of high school. I've been wanting to make a blog post about Ireland, but that will come later-- for now, here's a post just to prove I'm not dead and whatnot. I think the BBC states that the average person will have read only 6 of these books, which sounds very low to me, because a lot of these books are only crossed off for me because I read them for high school. Although, I suppose they assume some people don't actually read the books you're assigned in high school... so anyway... I think at this moment in my life, I've read 31 of them.
The bolded ones are books I've finished, and the italicized ones are ones I've either started and never finished or read only parts. This list is a little odd-- the HP series is wrapped up as 1 book, as is LOTR, as is His Dark Materials, as is the Chronicles of Narnia-- and yet The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe is listed as a separate book-- so take it with a grain of salt!
Any recommendations?
The bolded ones are books I've finished, and the italicized ones are ones I've either started and never finished or read only parts. This list is a little odd-- the HP series is wrapped up as 1 book, as is LOTR, as is His Dark Materials, as is the Chronicles of Narnia-- and yet The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe is listed as a separate book-- so take it with a grain of salt!
1 Pride and Prejudice -
Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte
Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK
Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird -
Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily
Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations -
Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M
Alcott
12 Tess of the
D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian
Faulk
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife
- Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George
Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind -
Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F
Scott Fitzgerald
24 War and Peace -
Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
27
Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John
Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31
Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield -
Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma -Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and
the Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin
- Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha -
Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - A.A. Milne
41 Animal Farm - George
Orwell
42
The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of
Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney
- John Irving
45 The Woman in White -
Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding
Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale -
Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann
Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm -
Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility -
Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram
Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind -
Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57
A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous
Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of
the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of
Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61
Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir
Nabokov
63 The Secret History -
Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo -
Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack
Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure -
Thomas Hardy
68
Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children -
Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles
Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small
Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Inferno - Dante
77 Swallows and Amazons -
Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William
Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David
Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice
Walker
84 The Remains of the Day -
Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave
Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance -
Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - E.B.
White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree
Collection - Enid Blyton
91
Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince -
Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain
Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard
Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces
- John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice -
Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers -
Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William
Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo
Any recommendations?
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Goal #38
Just about everyone knows now: my family is going to Ireland this summer! We leave Sunday and will be there for about 2 weeks. I'm, you know, just a tad excited. Just a little. To go to the place I've wanted to go my entire life.
In placing myself under house arrest today to get my enormous pile of stuff done, I wound up doing what I always do whenever I need to clean or pack or do anything that's required of me: I look at old things. I pull out old notes, pictures, stories, art, books, ANYTHING that has a connection to my past, sit myself down on my bedroom floor, and go through it all. It never fails. I don't know why this is my go-to procrastination technique, but there you have it. So naturally, when my laundry hamper overflowed yesterday and I ran out of underwear, the need to do it today translated to Erica sitting by her bookcase looking at her experiments with Prismacolor pencils and markers from when she was 16.
And somehow that led to reading my French children's books. Which led to me digging out my old list of 38 goals that I had to do for a high school project my freshman year and that I've never thrown away. Of course, "Visit Ireland" was goal #4. That'll be nice to scratch off. My goals have changed drastically over the years, but I was quite surprised to read goal #29: "Learn about advertising, maybe?"
I had no idea I was that interested in that subject field that early. I thought I hadn't been interested in it until my senior year of high school, when we had to do ad critiques in class (a daily habit, now!). It was fairly interesting to see that maybe this has been a goal of mine longer than I realized. On the other hand, for a while now, I've been thinking that maybe this isn't quite the goal for me anymore.
I'm still testing the waters around me and trying to find a place where I feel comfortable. I recently had an interview for an internship that left me very thoughtful for a while. I don't HAVE to work in an agency and I don't HAVE to follow the straight lines that I painted out for myself for so long. There are so many options and so many open ends and so many... choices. Choices terrify me. Choices lead to change. And we all know my fear of change, and my recent battle to overcome that fear.
The reason I started my OGTAD journal was because of some things that happened last summer. I was so unhappy, and I finally realized that only I have the power to make myself feel whatever emotions. No one has the power to make me feel upset, guilty, ashamed, embarrassed, or anything of the sort unless I let them have that power. I chose OGTAD to show myself the good things about my days to end each day on a good note, to give myself the power to be positive and go to bed happy every night. This past year of OGTAD has been leading up to seeing whether or not, finding myself in a similar situation this summer, I have learned anything from my experiment and if I can keep in mind the amazing lessons I have learned, and more importantly, the things that I have learned about myself.
It is not easy. But everything that's happened over the last year has taught me that I do have the ability to overcome the things that I fear. But it's NOT easy. And I can't expect life to be easy, and I can't expect myself to just glide over any obstacles.
The final goal on my list, from when I was 15, is very, very simple: Goal #38: "Do not rush!" I think that's the most important goal on my list, in my life, and I don't think that at 15, I had any idea how important that sentiment would be to me at 21. Do not rush. It is not a race. I have all the time in the world. I have my entire life. And if my "entire life" should consist of only the next few moments, if I were to die tomorrow, then I have to ensure that I am happy. There are so many ways to achieve that happiness.
Becoming a better person has been exhausting, stressful, almost embarrassing at times, and though this is a goal, journey, and task that will never have an end, I think so far, it's been worth it. Taking up the idea of being constantly aware of myself has been the biggest thing I've ever done in my life. That's why goal #38 is so big to me now. I wonder what significance it held for me when I was 15. I wonder what I was so worried about that I felt I was rushing. I cannot rush life. I can only hope to take everything in stride.
My next stride is Ireland! Traveling makes me think, big time. I'm so excited to see what revelations about myself I'll make in this beautiful country. My pen is already poised. My journal was the first thing I packed. But even as I look forward to my trip, I'm aware: do not rush.
In placing myself under house arrest today to get my enormous pile of stuff done, I wound up doing what I always do whenever I need to clean or pack or do anything that's required of me: I look at old things. I pull out old notes, pictures, stories, art, books, ANYTHING that has a connection to my past, sit myself down on my bedroom floor, and go through it all. It never fails. I don't know why this is my go-to procrastination technique, but there you have it. So naturally, when my laundry hamper overflowed yesterday and I ran out of underwear, the need to do it today translated to Erica sitting by her bookcase looking at her experiments with Prismacolor pencils and markers from when she was 16.
And somehow that led to reading my French children's books. Which led to me digging out my old list of 38 goals that I had to do for a high school project my freshman year and that I've never thrown away. Of course, "Visit Ireland" was goal #4. That'll be nice to scratch off. My goals have changed drastically over the years, but I was quite surprised to read goal #29: "Learn about advertising, maybe?"
I had no idea I was that interested in that subject field that early. I thought I hadn't been interested in it until my senior year of high school, when we had to do ad critiques in class (a daily habit, now!). It was fairly interesting to see that maybe this has been a goal of mine longer than I realized. On the other hand, for a while now, I've been thinking that maybe this isn't quite the goal for me anymore.
I'm still testing the waters around me and trying to find a place where I feel comfortable. I recently had an interview for an internship that left me very thoughtful for a while. I don't HAVE to work in an agency and I don't HAVE to follow the straight lines that I painted out for myself for so long. There are so many options and so many open ends and so many... choices. Choices terrify me. Choices lead to change. And we all know my fear of change, and my recent battle to overcome that fear.
The reason I started my OGTAD journal was because of some things that happened last summer. I was so unhappy, and I finally realized that only I have the power to make myself feel whatever emotions. No one has the power to make me feel upset, guilty, ashamed, embarrassed, or anything of the sort unless I let them have that power. I chose OGTAD to show myself the good things about my days to end each day on a good note, to give myself the power to be positive and go to bed happy every night. This past year of OGTAD has been leading up to seeing whether or not, finding myself in a similar situation this summer, I have learned anything from my experiment and if I can keep in mind the amazing lessons I have learned, and more importantly, the things that I have learned about myself.
It is not easy. But everything that's happened over the last year has taught me that I do have the ability to overcome the things that I fear. But it's NOT easy. And I can't expect life to be easy, and I can't expect myself to just glide over any obstacles.
The final goal on my list, from when I was 15, is very, very simple: Goal #38: "Do not rush!" I think that's the most important goal on my list, in my life, and I don't think that at 15, I had any idea how important that sentiment would be to me at 21. Do not rush. It is not a race. I have all the time in the world. I have my entire life. And if my "entire life" should consist of only the next few moments, if I were to die tomorrow, then I have to ensure that I am happy. There are so many ways to achieve that happiness.
Becoming a better person has been exhausting, stressful, almost embarrassing at times, and though this is a goal, journey, and task that will never have an end, I think so far, it's been worth it. Taking up the idea of being constantly aware of myself has been the biggest thing I've ever done in my life. That's why goal #38 is so big to me now. I wonder what significance it held for me when I was 15. I wonder what I was so worried about that I felt I was rushing. I cannot rush life. I can only hope to take everything in stride.
My next stride is Ireland! Traveling makes me think, big time. I'm so excited to see what revelations about myself I'll make in this beautiful country. My pen is already poised. My journal was the first thing I packed. But even as I look forward to my trip, I'm aware: do not rush.
Friday, May 4, 2012
And on I write!
Depending on what school you're at, the semester is either OVER or very, very close to being over! Huzzah for surviving another semester of the only thing I really know how to do: school.
That's part of what's been freaking me out so much. I have one semester left, and then... what? The longest I've ever held an office job is for three months, summer internships. I don't know how to function in any situation other than school, really. I keep trying to get myself to come to terms with the fact that that is LIFE, but my mind won't listen to me. Aie.
Anyway, the last couple of weeks have been fairly sleepless for me. Lots of thinking, studying, worrying, overthinking, etc. But what helps me a lot is... go on, take a guess... writing. Of course. When it's 2, 3 in the morning and I'm sitting up in bed staring out my window, I finally have to accept that sleep is not going to come willingly, so I grab my notebook and start writing. Sometimes I write in a journalistic style and blah-blah-blah about my day, sometimes I pick a specific problem to write about, and sometimes, I do my favorite exercise: stream of consciousness writing.
I never used to like SOC until I did it on my own time. Writing it in school was frustrating because we were fairly limited. I would write a page worth of, "This is stupid. My hand hurts. I wish time were up. I'm hungry. This is so dumb." And that's a perfectly fine way to start SOC, but I never had enough time in class for it to go somewhere. But when I'm writing on my own now, I can write for as long or as short as I want or need.
It's truly a great stress reliever. If you've never heard of or written in a SOC style, I truly encourage you to try it. Here are the rules: There are no rules. You simply put your pen to the paper (or your fingers to the keyboard) and start writing. You can give yourself a set amount of time, or you can write until you just peter out (I prefer the latter). You just WRITE. And you don't worry about what you write. In time, your words will evolve to what you're really thinking/worried/anxious/nervous about, and you may find that you've presented yourself with a solution while writing. You may learn something that you didn't know you were repressing or frustrated with. You may not get anything special out of it at all. It's wonderful.
I've been doing SOC quite a lot lately, and figuring out a bunch of stuff. It's quickly becoming my go-to form of stress relief, but I can't let myself think about it too much, or it ruins it. Pen to paper. Go. Write. Be.
It's so amusing for me to reread what I've written, things I don't even remember writing, having written so quickly and letting the words roll from my mind to the page like water. Song lyrics and quotes and things someone said to me earlier and my own thoughts and feelings and emotions I was trying to hide, they all appear, and it's so random and yet exactly what I needed and wanted to say. And after I feel my writing's come to an end for the moment, I'm somehow able to finally fall asleep. It's like physically taking a weight off my shoulders and feeling so much more relieved.
I really do encourage everyone to try it if you have a half hour or so. Just write. No thinking about what you're writing. "This is stupid, this is stupid, this is stupid" is just as good a start as, "I had PB&J for lunch today", which is just as good as, "I'm frustrated with my day, and I don't know why." Go for it. I hope someone out there finds the peace that is waiting in writing to the degree that I have. :)
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